Attention everyone reading this post at this moment in time: you are two seconds away from losing everything that’s important to you. Your freedom, your liberty, your care-free American lifestyle, your TiVo, your Big Macs, your goddamn Celebrity Fit Club – it’s all about to go up in smoke. There are things out there that want nothing more than to strip you of these precious things, things that make life worth living. And I’m not talking about terrorists or government conspiracies. The things I’m discussing are in your daily lives: at the office, on your television, perhaps even in your own home. Don’t worry: I’m here to give you the heads-up on these threats so you can watch your ass. And your balls. You’re gonna want those later.
1. Kathy Griffin – She’s out there, day in and day out, lowering the comedy standards of the American public. People are now so confused about what’s funny and what’s not that they are actually rewarding this lady. That’s right – we’re celebrating someone whose main comedy vehicle is derived from pointing out how unpopular she is. And we gave her an Emmy. Watch out for this snake in the grass. Before you know it, she’ll be guest-appearing on Last Laugh ’08, and the only ones laughing will be the terrorists.