Predictions for the weeks immediately following the “Economy Stimulus Plan”

Recently, congress passed an “Economy Stimulus Plan” to revive the slouching economy. Singles that make less than $75,000 and couples that make less than $150,000 after adjusted taxes will receive a check for up to $600 or $1200 respectively (only those who filed taxes for 2007 are eligible). Additionally, each dependent filed on tax form will result in an additional amount added to the check. I predict that after these checks have been received (anticipated in late May or early June) several things will happen.

-Escort services around the country receive an immediate boom in business. As a result, sales of Penicillin and Vagicil reach record highs.

-Casinos collect millions of US dollars in increased revenue. America’s collective debt dramatically increases.

-Percent of homes below the poverty line that own a handgun significantly grows.

-Demand for the import of cocaine into the United States doubles. Crack production increases tenfold.

-Billions in child welfare remains unpaid.

-Numerous $600 beer and weed parties pop up on

-Milwaukee’s Best Ice brewery hires an additional 1000 employees only to lay them off a month later.

-The sale of grillz and small diamond-related jewelry slightly increases.

-Those in the upper crust of America, while not actually receiving a stimulus check, reaps all the benefits of the wasted financial gain of everyone that did. Also, they file several fake dependents, making it possible to receive several hundred dollars anyway.

-A month after the checks have been issued, the repo industry records the highest activity in history.


2 responses to “Predictions for the weeks immediately following the “Economy Stimulus Plan”

  1. The pimps n’ hoes store will most definitely flourish then.
    ghetto mall shall still be in business.
    very clever =)

  2. Hey, what is this I was searching around and came across this from Aaron, here’s my take—Not a darn thing, this is too little too late and of now real consequence to the economy, this is a business cycle downturn pure and simple and the stimulus is a political ploy to make it look like Congress & Bush are doing something-now deficit reduction and debt reduction- would help along with long term investments in energy research & implemintation.

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